lmost everyone feels lonely at some point in their life. It is a natural and human feeling. It usually passes. If the loneliness continues, however, it can make you ill. Fortunately, there are many ways to take action.
Loneliness can affect anyone
Loneliness is a subject that no one likes to talk about. People who are lonely usually blame themselves: “There’s something wrong with me” or “Nobody wants anything to do with me” are typical beliefs that lonely people have internalized. The longer this feeling lasts, the more difficult it becomes to escape loneliness. Certain behavioral patterns have become so entrenched that it becomes increasingly difficult to talk about it and seek help. The worst thing about it: loneliness can even make you sick.
One definition of loneliness is that it is the perceived discrepancy between relationships a person has and those he or she desires. First and foremost, loneliness is a subjective feeling that is perceived as unpleasant because of the lack of close, emotional ties. It is not the number of ties that is important, but their quality.
Experts speak of different types of loneliness:
- social loneliness: not feeling integrated into a social network
- emotional loneliness: one longs for close and trusting relationships
- cultural loneliness: not feeling part of society
Alone or lonely – where does loneliness begin?
Alone is not the same as lonely , even if the two terms are often used synonymously. Many people consciously isolate themselves from their surroundings from time to time. If you are alone, you don’t have to feel lonely. The same applies the other way round: even in a relationship or in company, people can feel lonely. The simplest difference: being alone is an objectively visible state that is often perceived as positive. Loneliness is a subjective feeling and it always has negative connotations.
Does loneliness make you sick?
Loneliness becomes problematic when the feeling of loneliness becomes entrenched and causes suffering. Chronic loneliness not only makes you unhappy, but can also cause stress , which can make you sick, both mentally and physically. When you are under stress, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol . If it does this over a longer period of time, the amount of cortisol in your body increases.
This affects many functions of the organism: the body is less able to defend itself against inflammation, the metabolism gets out of sync. Loneliness can then cause physical symptoms such as sleep disorders . A new study provides evidence that social isolation and loneliness could be associated with an increased risk of death.
Are there certain triggers for loneliness?
The triggers are often life events that mark transitions. For young adults, this is often a new beginning, graduating from school, the process of breaking away: moving out or moving house, starting an apprenticeship or university, their first own apartment, a new city and the like. This often means separation from friends and family. The social network that has supported them up to now is suddenly gone.
Social media and messenger services are replacing personal conversations because meeting in person is not possible due to physical separation. Even before the coronavirus pandemic with lockdowns, curfews and school closures, loneliness was a problem in the 17- to 30-year-old age group.
For older people, loss is often the main focus: retirement, which reduces contact with colleagues, or the loss of relationships. Friends or life partners die, the children have long since left home.
People with low socioeconomic status may be at greater risk of loneliness because, for example, below-average income may limit opportunities for social participation.
Overcoming loneliness: tips for everyday life
The first step is often not easy. But it is a huge benefit to overcome your own fears. A simple first exercise could be to start a little chat at the supermarket checkout or at the bakery. Sometimes small gestures like a friendly smile are enough to start a conversation. Studies have shown that even short, superficial conversations can be enriching and give a feeling of togetherness.
Combating loneliness with sports and hobbies
- Team sports: volleyball in a club, a class at the gym, a running group: sport is fun and good for body and soul. It can also lead to new contacts and friendships. Communication in team sports is important.
- Pursue hobbies together: There are book clubs and amateur theater groups, fantasy role-playing games, Doppelkopf tournaments. Whatever you like to do in your free time, join forces with others.
- Singing puts you in a good mood – and brings people together: join a choir – whether classical, pop or jazz, there are many possibilities.
- Try something new: Have you been wanting to brush up on your French, learn Tai Chi or cook vegan for a long time? Take a course, for example at a community college.
Seek contact – overcome loneliness
- Pick up the phone: Think about who you haven’t called in a while. Who would be happy to hear from you? Look at your contacts.
- Good neighbors: Even in the anonymity of a big city, you can find nice neighbors. Neighborhood networks are formed via social media channels, for example to exchange something or to make something beautiful together.
- Video conference: Your family lives far away and visits are rarely possible? A video chat allows you to see everyone at any time.
- New to the university? The student councils of the individual degree programs often organize meetings, get-togethers or get-to-know-you weekends for first-year students.
- Social media: On Facebook, for example, there are groups for people who are new to a city and through which they can make new contacts. Platforms such as “Experience Together” or “Meet 5” bring people together for a variety of activities, such as hiking, going out to eat or attending events.
- Clubs and voluntary work: Anyone who joins a club usually gets to know new people quickly. There may also be an opportunity to take on voluntary work in the club and get even more involved.
- Talking about loneliness helps – ideally with someone close to you. This could be a family member or a friend.
- Everyone under one roof: multi-generational houses offer living space in which people actively live together – a municipal strategy in the fight against loneliness.
- Get involved socially: You can help others with their shopping, help with homework or simply spend time with someone who is suffering from loneliness just like you. Charities and community organizations are places to start.
Loneliness: What help is available for those affected?
The first step: If you are having trouble sleeping, feeling listless and unable to enjoy anything, contact your family doctor.
Another possible point of contact is the Competence Network for Loneliness: It has brought together addresses and contact points that you can turn to if you are feeling lonely. Don’t forget: you are not alone. Be aware that many people feel the same way as you and that – at least temporarily – millions of people share the same feeling of loneliness.